I don’t think men hate women. They still love us in their own way—love our beauty, love our ambition, love our ability to hold it all together. But if we’re being honest, they don’t like us like they used to. The way they once adored, pursued, and even romanticized women has changed, and I can’t help but wonder: did we change, or did they?

There was a time when men showed up. They pursued, they courted, they made an effort. A little mystery, a little anticipation—it was all part of the game. Now? You’re lucky if a guy takes his gaze away from his phone just to have an actual conversation. And if you’re not in close courters, not even a ‘Good Morning’ text. When he’s with you, his phone is in his hand; when he’s not, he doesn’t even think to text or call. This is what we’re up against ladies.

Modern dating has stripped away the romance and replaced it with efficiency. Swiping, DMing, and casual link-ups have made men lazy because, let’s be real, the chase no longer seems necessary. There’s always another option a few scrolls away. Either that or they’re only chasing money. We’re also partly to blame for that because none us are compromising for a broke guy.

Strong Women, Scared Men?

It’s not that women don’t want to be pursued anymore—it’s that we’ve had to become self-sufficient in ways previous generations didn’t. We buy our own flowers, take ourselves on trips, and work hard to create the lives we want. While that’s empowering, it also means we’re not “needing” men in the ways they were once accustomed to. And a man who doesn’t feel needed? He might love you, but he won’t necessarily like the way you make him feel. Some men view strong, independent women as a challenge rather than a prize. They assume we’ll be too difficult, too opinionated, or that we won’t let them lead in any way. And instead of rising to the occasion, some opt out altogether

The Fear of Rejection and Changing Gender Dynamics

Men used to take risks for the women they wanted. They wrote letters, showed up at workplaces, made their intentions known. Now, the fear of rejection—especially in an era where women are more vocal about what they won’t tolerate—keeps many men on the sidelines. Some claim they don’t know how to approach without seeming creepy. Others feel that women are too hard to impress. And in the age of feminism and #MeToo, the lines between confidence and overstepping can feel blurred for them.

But let’s be honest: have women become too hard to impress, or have we just stopped rewarding the bare minimum? The reality is, many men grew up in a time when women accepted much less, so putting in actual effort now feels like too much work. They don’t want to earn a woman’s attention anymore; they just want it handed over with minimal effort.

High Standards vs. Low Effort: A Stalemate

One of the biggest shifts is that women have raised their standards while men have simultaneously lowered their effort. We expect consistency, good communication, and emotional maturity. They expect us to accept minimal attention, last-minute plans, and vague intentions. And when we refuse, we’re labelled as demanding or too much.

It’s a frustrating stalemate. Women don’t want to lower their expectations, and men don’t want to step up. So instead of true pursuit, we get half-hearted interest, casual situationships, and a general air of “take it or leave it.”

So, What Now?

Yes, the dynamic has changed. Men may still love us, but they don’t pursue us the way they used to. The days of grand gestures and relentless pursuit seem to be fading, replaced by casual convenience and half-hearted effort.

But instead of longing for the past, maybe it’s time to redefine what pursuit looks like today. That doesn’t mean lowering our standards or accepting the bare minimum—it means focusing on the men who do show up, who do make an effort, and who do value what we bring to the table. And let’s be real—relationships evolve. Even the men we choose to be with may sometimes become complacent, caught up in life’s pressures and expectations. While we should never accept neglect, maybe a little grace and understanding could go a long way. A relationship isn’t just about being pursued; it’s about mutual effort. And sometimes, the most attractive thing we can do is recognize the right kind of effort when we see it.