Why Women Shouldn’t Have to Do It All

Growing up, my mother was the definition of a woman who had it all and did it all. She seamlessly juggled motherhood, marriage, family, and was always the person everyone turned to for advice and support. Now that I’m in my 30s and happen to be the eldest daughter, I feel this unspoken pressure to do it all just as well as she did. But you know what? I can’t do everything—and I’m not even trying to be that Superwoman. Don’t judge me. The truth is, this expectation didn’t just come out of nowhere. The Superwoman/Supermom ideal has been ingrained in us for generations. It can be traced back to the rise of feminism in the mid-to-late 20th century when women fought for the right to work and have careers while still managing their homes. The idea was empowering at first—finally, women could be more than just wives and mothers. But somewhere along the way, it morphed into an unrealistic, exhausting expectation: to be successful, a woman had to do it all—alone, flawlessly, and without complaining.

Mainstream media ran with this narrative and sold it back to us in glamorous packaging. Shows like Sex and the City made independence look chic—Carrie Bradshaw had an exciting career, a fabulous social life, and could afford a New York apartment on a columnist’s salary (like, how?!). Meanwhile, Grey’s Anatomy gave us Meredith Grey, a powerhouse surgeon juggling high-pressure career demands with chaotic personal relationships—all while surviving every possible tragedy known to man. Then there’s Scandal and Being Mary Jane, both portraying highly successful women who excel in their fields yet struggle in love, often navigating relationships and even motherhood alone.

The message? Women can and should have it all—but we must be willing to sacrifice, overextend ourselves, and push through exhaustion to make it happen. It glorifies the independent woman who needs no help, reinforcing the idea that asking for support is a weakness. Meanwhile, men are rarely expected to “do it all.” They can be successful while relying on wives, partners, or even housekeepers and nannies to manage the rest.

The Unfair Expectations in Relationships

One of the most damaging consequences of the Supermom/Superwomen Syndrome is the way it warps relationship expectations. A lot of men compare their wives and girlfriends to their mothers who did it all without complaint, and now they’re waiting for their wives and girlfriends to do the same.

The reality is, a lot of our mothers didn’t have a choice. If their husbands were emotionally checked out, barely there, or just not interested, they picked up the slack because they still had the support of family, the church and the community.  Back then they didn’t have extremely demanding careers so they could be there fully for their households.

The Strain on Family Structures

This assumption that the woman can “do it all” sets up a toxic dynamic. It legitimizes absent or missing fathers and places an uneven physical and emotional burden on mothers. If men believe that childrearing, cooking, housekeeping, and emotional labour are a woman’s domain, they don’t show up as equal partners.

This completely exhausts women and also deprives children of a more balanced and engaged upbringing. Sons come to believe that doing chores is not for them, and daughters just adopt the whole overdoing everything and putting everyone else first attitude. This imbalance carries forward to the subsequent generations, creating a cycle where women continue to stretch themselves too thin and guys remain all emotionally detached from family matters.

Redefining What It Means to ‘Have It All’

Truthfully, “having it all” does not mean doing it all by yourself. It means having someone who’s got your back, a team to help you, and the space to say no when you must. Women must be allowed to flourish without being bogged down by absurd expectations. We have to fight against this idea that a woman’s value lies in how much she can do at once. We have to hold men equally responsible and reshape what it means to have healthy, balanced relationships in the first place. And we have to call out media stories that hold up overworked, burnt-out women as role models. We need to lose the Supermom/Superwomen Syndrome and build a new mindset—one in which women get the support they deserve, men get on board, and families can actually thrive together instead of one person constantly giving and getting burnt-out.

I refuse to delude myself into believing that doing everything alone makes me a superhero. Striving for perfection is exhausting, and the burden of “having it all” shouldn’t fall entirely on women. So if you’re feeling the pressure to do it all, maybe it’s time to take off the cape, too.